so i’m leaving for europe tomorrow.

i want to be excited, i want to be ecstatic. but i just cant feel. i just keep thinking about friday night and replaying it over and over. its so hard to pretend to be perfect when i just want to lay down and sleep and stop the world from spinning at my feet. and now i have to keep up walking all day, in the heat, in foreign countries without the option to go home if i feel like it. its hard to be normal.

theres so much that scares me. im scared i wont manage. im scared something terribly wrong will happen. im scared to drive again. im scared to go forward.

overkill? probably. my life? there you go.